Pillow Talk
by HollyHop
Summary: After Rimmer and Lister return from the submarine and their entanglement with the oracle Cassandra, Lister realises that if death lurks around every corner, you might want to get some stuff off your chest before it's too late. Rimmer/ Lister.


A/N: Set in series 8 after the episode "Cassandra"

Disclaimer: I didn't come up with the brilliant, mind-boggling universe of Red Dwarf: Doug Naylor and Rob Grant did!

**Pillow Talk**

"Rimmer? You awake, man?" Lister turned sideways in his bunk, propping his head up on his hand.

"Mh-hm." Came the sleepy reply from the bottom bunk. This was Lister's favourite way of talking to his friend. This way, they could hear but not see each other, which made talking so much easier. Somehow, not being able to look each other in the eyes, seemed to take the edge off. There was none of the usual snidiness in Rimmer's voice and Lister didn't feel the need to punch him in the face constantly. Then again, in the past months he had not so much felt the need for punching, as for doing something else to that face, anyway.

"Some crazy day, huh?" This was not exactly the perfect opener, but he couldn't think of anything else to start the conversation with. It didn't really matter, though, because they would soon find something to talk about. They always did.

"I didn't die, which was a plus." Rimmer sounded slightly more awake now, but his voice was still dark and slow. Lister was sure that his friend enjoyed their nightly exchanges as much as he did, because just as often as not, he would be the one to start the conversation. But tonight Rimmer had been unusually silent. All through dinner and after, he had hardly said a word.

"That's good." Lister now turned onto his belly, propping his upper body up on his arms.

The whole day had been one freaky adventure. The oracle Cassandra had told them that Rimmer would die and that he, Lister would be the one to shoot him. None of this had come to pass, though, and Lister was incredibly grateful for that. But the experience had shown him once more, that anything could happen to them anyday. And that if he left anything unsaid now, then it could remain so forever. He had been mulling this over since dinner and had decided that he didn't really want that to happen.

"Why, though?" Rimmer's voice drifted up from below, sounding curious and cutting Lister's musings short.

"Why wha'?"

"Why didn't you get angry with me and shoot me, like Cassandra had predicted you would?"

Lister shrugged, although he knew Rimmer couldn't see him.

"It's what she'd have wanted and it wouldn't have changed anything."

"What if you had been late and you'd really caught Kochanski and me in bed together? Wouldn't that have made you angry?" Rimmer sounded much more awake now.

"I guess. But I wouldn't've shot ya." Lister shook his head, as if trying to get rid of a mental picture he didn't enjoy one bit.

"I was going to have sex with Kochanski and you weren't going to shoot me?" Lister could hear Rimmer shifting on the bed below.

"Not really." This conversation seemed to be going in the right direction and Lister felt himself flushing with adrenalin. Maybe if he told Rimmer tonight?

"You weren't jealous, then?" Rimmer's voice was going soprano again. Lister tried to keep his own voice deliberatley level and casual.

"A bit. Not enough to shoot anyone, though." No need to say anything about whom he was jealous of.

"Why not?" There was more than curiosity mixed in with the question from below.

"I dunno, man, it just didn't bother me that much." Again, level-headed and matter of factly, even though Lister felt as if his body was on fire now, termites burrowing through his intestines.

"It didn't bother you that much that I was going to sleep with the woman you've been lusting after for years?" Again the frame of their bunk shook, as Rimmer propped himself up on his elbows.

"I guess I'm just not that keen anymore" Their exchange was like a maze. They kept on taking right and wrong turns, slowly getting closer to the prized centre. Except that Lister had no clue as to what was awaiting him when he got there. A pot of gold or an empty cup.

"You're not that keen anymore? The woman you've been pursuing ever since you entered the Space Corps is about to have sex with me and you're not that keen?"

"Nah." Lister held his breath. He hoped that Rimmer would ask him why, but the silence stretched and there was no more sound from below. Lister rolled onto his back and folded his arms behind his head. Why didn't Rimmer ask him why he wasn't keen? He could be really thick sometimes.

Not that he himself had been quick on the uptake, when it came to his feelings for Rimmer. For years he had been swinging back and forth between liking Rimmer and hating the sight of him. Slowly but surely the pendulum had been swinging much harder in the direction of liking him and had somehow forgotten how to swing back. At first this had puzzled him to no end. But then Lister had taken this new turn of events as a welcome relief from their constant bickering. Until he had caught himself watching Rimmer's lips move when he talked, without actually hearing anything he was saying, thinking about what those lips would feel like on his skin. And then Rimmer, his Rimmer, had gone. He had left them to fly off in search of adventure and bravery. Lister giggled at this thought. What if Rimmer had found bravery and had gotten so scared of it, that he had tried to cower behind a tree in the hope it wouldn't noticed him?

"What are you laughing at?" So Rimmer hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"Nuthin'."

"Nothing? You're laughing at nothing? Should I get the rubber wallpaper out?" Rimmer's voice was playful again now. Over the years, Lister had grown to love that tone of voice. Their playful bantering had always been what kept him going and over the years he had become more than fond of it. He needed it like he needed oxygen. When his Rimmer had left to become Ace, he had at first thought that this would be a good thing. That they needed some time away from each other and that he'd be much better off without him. But these feelings had only lasted a couple of days. Then he'd started to miss the bickering, the haughtiness, the friction between them that sparked and set him alight. He realised that he was only happy, when Rimmer was around to battle against. And that he truly missed his half-smile, the way his eyes lit up, when he talked about something he loved and the jolts Rimmer would send through him, whenever they accidentally touched.

"Why?" Rimmer's voice was quiet and reserved. At first Lister wasn't sure that Rimmer had indeed spoken. He tried to focus back on the outside world again.

"Why what?" He leaned forwards, almost over the rim of the bunk, completely forgetting that this was the question he'd been waiting for.

"Why aren't you keen on her anymore?" Rimmer seemed to be scared of asking that question and scared of getting an aswer at the same time.

"I'm just … not that much in love with 'er anymore." Now it was Lister's turn to try and steady his voice. His insides were writhing again.

"You're not?" For a moment they could only hear each other's breathing in the dark cell.

Lister felt the heat rising in his face.

"Nah, I'm just … much more in love with someone else, I guess."

"What? Who with?"

Lister shrugged into the darkness. The silence stretched.

"Who?" Rimmer's voice was more forceful than curious now. As if pressing Lister to tell him.

"Y'know."

"No, I don't know, that's why I'm asking, you gimp." Rimmer's impatience was rising again like boiling milk.

"Sometimes, y'know, you're really a complete and utter git." Why did he have to be so thick? Lister flopped back onto the mattress with a sigh. He had wanted to tell Rimmer. He had been looking forward to this, but now it seemed impossible. How could he climb that sheer mountainside to get to the top? True, Rimmer had cut him handholds and footholds to make it easier, but Lister felt as if he was without hands or feet and nothing to hold on to. Mabe not being able to look at each other during a conversation like this wasn't such a good thing after all. He took another deep breath and counted to five.

"It's you, man."

"Me, yes, I know, I'm a git. Alright? I'm an utter git." Rimmer sounded dejected now.

"No, Rimmer." Lister paused, not sure if he should go on, but then decided he was over the edge now anyway. "It's you."

The silence that followed seemed endless to Lister. He lay there, looking at the ceiling above his head, wondering if he should climb down the ladder, but couldn't bring himself to do so. He needed another foothold from Rimmer for that. Finally he fell asleep with the strain of trying to stay awake.

XXX

When he woke up the next morning, he was immediately wide awake with the memory of what had passed between him and Rimmer last night. He pushed the covers off and leaned over the edge of his bunk, to check if his bunkmate was still sleeping. He wasn't. When Lister leaned down, he caught Rimmer's gaze smack in the face. It almost seemed, as if he hadn't been asleep at all.

"Listen, man …" He started, but didn't get any further than that, because Rimmer jumped up from his bunk and held his hands up as if under attack, his body turned away from him.

"No, it's okay, you don't need to say anything. It was all just a joke. I get it. No need to explain."

"WHAT?" Lister also jumped down from his bunk to face Rimmer. "You think this is a joke? You think I'm takin' the piss?" They were standing opposite each other, frozen like greek statues, ready for combat. Only they didn't intend to lure innocent travellers to their deaths, but tried to gauge this incomprehensible situation.

"I have to congratulate you." Rimmer's voice was mocking and harsh. "This is your most elaborate prank yet and you've really outdone yourself, because for a moment there - I actually believed you." This seemed to have come out wrong, because Rimmer's voice caught on the last words and he had to turn his back to avoid Lister from seeing him rattled. They stood like this, frozen in time for a few seconds, until Lister regained his power of speech.

"Listen, man, whatever happens now, we can't go back, anyway. So, here's me – I'm gonna say it again, even if you don't wanna hear it. I feel somethin' for ya. Now, I don't know if it's luv, alrigh', but I guess it is, 'cos even though you just basically called me a liar, I still wanna be with you, okay? Your turn." And at this he sat down heavily on the chair at their table, thoroughly exhausted from the emotional tumbledryer they were caught in. Rimmer's back was still turned towards him and he could see his friend breathing irregularly. Then Rimmer doubled over letting out a groan that sounded at the same time painful and frustrated. He came back up again, still facing away from the chair Lister was sitting in. Then finally he started to speak, although the words came haltingly.

"If what you just said is true and if - I believed you," Rimmer left a short pause, trying to brace himself for what he was about to admit, "then you should now that … for me, you've always been … the only … one." At this Lister got up from the chair.

"I've never felt this close to anyone else, ever." Rimmer was trying hard to keep his voice level and calm, but it kept skipping out if his control. Lister closed the distance between them and laid his arms around Rimmer's waist, resting his chin against his back.

"Until I met you, I've never truly loved anyone and I've never been loved, either." Lister let go of Rimmer's back and got hold of his upper arm, turning him around to bring them face to face.

"Until I met you …" And at this Rimmer finally managed to meet Lister's eyes. "I didn't even think it was worth the trouble."

They stood so close, they could feel each other's breath on their skin. Then Lister couldn't be bothered to wait any longer. He leaned in, placing a hesitant first kiss on Rimmer's lips. He wasn't usually this scared of a first kiss, but this was Rimmer he was kissing. Rimmer, who had just more or less admitted that he was in love with him, too.

Intending to pull back again from that first touching of the lips, Lister felt that Rimmer was not going to let him. His arms were already around Lister's waist and he was held in place, their kiss growing more intense. Naturally he parted his lips and their tongues easily slid against each other. As if there had never been any doubt. As if this hadn't been absolutely impossible even a few minutes ago. Lister felt his hands reaching around Rimmer's back, grabbing his shirt and pulling him even closer. Then his brain shut down and he let himself fall into the depths of his feelings, dragging Rimmer with him. They smiled at each other as they fell.


End file.
